Just Being Cassie

Last week felt like the universe sat me down and said, “Cassie, we are going to learn a lesson today.” Not a gentle lesson or one of those soft, romantic beautifully wrapped lessons that leaves you smiling sheepishly after. This was a lesson that arrived disguised as contractors, artisans, excuses, delayed deadlines, and most importantly audacity. A whole lot of audacity!!!

I have always considered myself a kind person you know. I like helping people. I like giving chances and I like believing that most people are trying their best. And so, if someone tells me they are going through a difficult time, my first instinct is usually compassion. I do not like making life harder for people.

But what I did not realize is that kindness without boundaries does not just attract grateful people. It also attracts problems. And last week proved it.

The first lesson arrived in the form of a painter. This was not a random painter. He was someone I had worked with before, who came through a referral. A painter whose work I had already seen with my own eyes.

I gave him the job, paid for materials, gave him transport money, fed he and his workers. I tried to make the entire experience pleasant for everyone involved. When he said we needed more materials to continue the job, I trusted him. Only for him to disappear, then resurface later that evening with a story.

He started with he had been robbed, his phone was gone, his account had been emptied, he had gone to the police station, a report had been filed and his line had been blocked.

It was a very dramatic story with many chapters. Too many chapters. But as it turned out, the truth was so much simpler. The money had allegedly found its way to a betting shop. And unfortunately, it did not find its way back.

At that point, I was not even angry about the money anymore. I was simply fascinated by the creativity, the sheer effort people put into avoiding accountability is genuinely impressive.

Then came the furniture maker. Now this one deserves a special mention. I had paid him most of his money. The work was very much unfinished, several things needed correction and some items had not even been completed.

When I pointed this out, I somehow became the villain. Apparently, asking someone to complete work they were paid for is now oppression. Who knew?

Before I could blink, the conversation had quickly moved away from unfinished furniture and into territory that included judgment, accusations, and declarations about what I would eventually “see.” I was confused because I thought we were discussing cabinets and unfulfilled contracts but suddenly we were talking destiny.

Then came the POP guy. The one that casually asked if he could sleep at my house.

My house. As in, the place where I live. As in, the place where I pay rent. As in, the place where I intentionally did not advertise as a guest house.

When I said no, he accepted it, thankfully. But I spent a few minutes staring at my phone wondering what exactly possessed him to even ask such a question in the first place.

Three different people. Three completely different situations. Three entirely different personalities. And yet every single one led me back to the same realization. Kindness without boundaries attracts problems. Not because kindness is wrong or because people are bad, and definitely not because the world is full of terrible human beings.

But because some people mistake kindness for unlimited access. They mistake understanding for permission and they mistake patience for weakness.

They mistake generosity for an invitation to keep taking and before you realize what’s happening, you are solving problems that should never have become yours.

The funny thing is that last week did not make me want to become unkind. For a moment, I thought it did. I thought maybe the answer was to stop helping, stop understanding and stop giving chances.

But that is not actually the lesson. The lesson is not to become harder. It is to become clearer about expectations, standards, about what is and is not acceptable. Clearer about where kindness ends and responsibility begins.

Because boundaries are not the opposite of kindness. They are what protect it. Without boundaries, kindness becomes expensive and generosity becomes exhausting. Without boundaries, peace becomes something you are constantly negotiating. And I have decided I like my peace too much for that.

So no, I do not want to become less kind. I simply want my kindness to come with structure, standards and limits. With the understanding that protecting my peace is not selfish, it is very necessary.

Last week taught me many things. Mostly that I need better systems. But also that kindness is at its best when it is accompanied by boundaries. Because kindness without boundaries does not attract more kindness. Sometimes, it attracts problems. And trust me, last week gave me enough examples.

Cassie ✨🌸